August 2nd, 2024 • Kentucky United States

I scour through ruins,

ambition packed in the walls of my heart,

rubble scratches my calloused fingers,

shards of glass weave through my skin,

panic surges as I search

for you.

I place freshly lit torches on each cheek,

ashes cover my face,

agonized and burned,

me and you.

I mourn you when the blade of the clock

marks the morning.

Even then,

only the midday rain,

the afternoon thunder,

injects me with force,

a force that cuts open my eyes,

so blood floods my senses,

so you can

awaken me.

I feel you as boulders of failure press at my lungs

during the daytime yawns.

When breaths once filled with charged reward

are now injected with

withering hope.

Sometimes,

I look all over my decaying body,

I look at the rusting medals,

I look inside my restless mind,

I look at this self,

I see what I am,

and I think:

When will peace finally arrive?

I am waiting for you.

To win. To value.

I wait for you in weekday nights,

drilling defeat into my soul,

hammering losses into my brain.

When all paths

lead to an unweeded grave,

I already know when you’ll arrive:

My spirit will blossom,

bursting with the bliss of success,

or I will be buried,

suffer an unremarkable death.

I shall place my final bets,

yet

the dice of life will be the one to decide

at the journey’s end.

As I die to succeed.